How I Nurtured Confidence and Independence in My Uniquely Spirited Child: A Personal Story

As a parent, the moment you hold your child for the first time is unforgettable. The bond you create is unlike any other. My youngest daughter truly represents this connection. From her very first moments, it was obvious she had a unique spirit. While every child has their own personality, hers bursts forth with energy and creativity that feels almost magical.

Her artistic side flows freely, but it also comes with challenges. Sometimes, her sensory experiences swing between blissful joy and overwhelming chaos. While many parents might celebrate this creativity, I’ve learned that knowing how to support her needs is key. By sharing our story, I hope to help others understand how to foster confidence and independence in children with unique spirits.

Understanding Sensory Processing Challenges

Sensory processing allows us to make sense of our surroundings. For some children, like my daughter, this system can be overly sensitive, leading to sensory overload. Research shows that about 1 in 20 children may have sensory processing issues, with many more experiencing varying degrees of difficulty that often go undiagnosed.

Symptoms can include trouble adjusting to new places, aversion to specific textures, or distress from loud noises. For example, my daughter can become upset when encountering different textures of clothing, which shouldn't surprise me as I still steer clear of cotton wool balls - YUCK!

In those moments, it’s important for us to recognise that what seems minor to adults can feel monumental for her.

Embracing and Supporting Emotional Outbursts

When emotional struggles arise, it’s crucial to support our children. We learned that her emotional outbursts served as essential releases. Societal expectations often pressure children to hide their feelings, but we encouraged her to express herself freely.

We incorporated breathing exercises into our daily routine. For instance, we would count to five while inhaling and then exhale for a count of five. This simple practice provides her with a tangible tool to cope with overwhelming feelings. By reframing these episodes as natural parts of her emotional makeup, we help her feel accepted and understood.

Creating Safe Spaces and Outlets

Establishing a safe environment was critical for her emotional health. At home, we ensured she had everything she needed to calm herself down. Through the use of my 'What is Happy' tool (a guided visual and talking point process for parents and children—available soon!), she was able to identify that she can feel "overwhelmed." Now, I found it a bit odd to hear a 7-year-old use the term 'overwhelmed', but hey, kids these days are basically tiny philosophers!

When I questioned her on what 'overwhelmed' meant to her, she said, "I feel hot and like I am in a small space, and I do not like small spaces." Well, Sh*t! If I were feeling hot and cramped, I’d be throwing a tantrum too! Thanks for the insight!

With the help of this talking tool, she revealed that when she's feeling that way, she likes to be alone with a good book and something cold. Rodger that! She has always been a bookworm, and our collection of books is now growing faster than a weed in a garden. We’ve got ice and cold drinks on standby, along with her books and a hammock out back for whenever she needs to take a breather. Talk about a cozy setup!

Knowing your child's triggers and supporting them in discovering what brings them joy and calm is vital in guiding them toward independence. As the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink," which means you can tell your child all the tricks in the book for managing emotions and building resilience or confidence. But the only way they will actually take on what you’re saying is if they have the autonomy and support to build and develop their own practices for finding calm and peace. And yes, this means giving them the freedom to trial and test these methods! It’s a long journey, but trust me, it’s worth the travel in the long run!

One of her other favourites and most effective tools we discovered was a punching bag. An energetic release outdoors allowed her to let off steam, which kept her feeling balanced. Instead of stifling her emotions, we empowered her to choose how to express them, fostering independence.

Encouragement towards Independence

Nurturing autonomy is a balancing act. Clothing choices became a vivid expression of this journey. My daughter had a clear preference for a specific Emma Wiggle dress; she wore it repeatedly.

Rather than imposing our fashion standards, we collaborated to find comfortable clothing options that met her sensory needs. This approach taught her that her preferences were valid and gave her the autonomy to celebrate her unique style.

Setting Boundaries with Understanding

While supporting our children is essential, setting boundaries is equally important. Think of it like a roller coaster: thrilling, but you definitely don’t want your kid flying off the rails! Structure in a child’s life fosters growth and development, and we’ve all seen what happens when kids think they can run wild—spoiler alert: it usually involves a lot of chaos and maybe a few broken lamps.

We established gentle limits around behaviours while promoting freedom of expression. For example, we encouraged her to share her feelings, but we also had the “appropriate ways to express emotions” talk. You know, the one that goes, “Sweetheart, while it’s great to express your feelings, screaming at the top of your lungs in the middle of the grocery store is not going to win you any friends—or snacks.” Because, let’s be honest, no one wants to be the parent standing awkwardly next to their screaming child while other shoppers give you that 'I feel sorry for you' look. Kids need to know that, although we don’t encourage the repression of emotions, screaming the damn shop down is also not the key to inner peace! So, let’s save the dramatic performances for the school play, shall we?

By addressing these issues, we helped her learn to manage her reactions. She gained the ability to handle social situations while confidently expressing herself—kind of like a social ninja, but with less throwing stars and more heartfelt conversations. This skill will be beneficial in her future interactions, especially when she needs to navigate the treacherous waters of middle school lunch tables. Important point: This skill is not easily acquired, and children are children, so remember that some days your child will excel at managing themselves, and other days they might revert to basic communication—think grunts and gestures, like a caveman trying to order a pizza. Be patient and kind—remind them of the days they have successfully controlled their emotion's, like that time they didn’t cry when they lost a game of Monopoly. It's a skill even adults are still mastering, and perhaps that's the essence of it—it's a lifelong learning journey where skills need to evolve and adapt. Who really knows? Maybe one day, they'll be the ones giving us advice on how to handle our own meltdowns over spilled coffee. But it's our responsibility as parents to consistently support our children, and maybe, just maybe, they will end up teaching us and showing us new ways—like how to cope with the existential dread of a Monday morning!

Encouraging Creative Outlets

Creative experiences that allow her to express herself include activities such as coloring, drawing, and writing. She enjoys creating rhymes and poems. The importance of imaginative play is also a key way for her to make sense of the world around her. Dolls, LEGO, and anything she can incorporate her current learning into will all help her assimilate the information.

Now that's art!! Our family represented as a basketball team.

Embracing the Journey

In nurturing my daughter’s confidence and independence, we’ve learned the value of both emotional expression and autonomy. Adapting to her needs means understanding her unique sensitivity as a vital part of who she is.

With love, patience, and flexibility, we’ve seen her shine. Today, she confidently embraces her quirks and communicates her needs with clarity, most of the time. Raising children who navigate the world uniquely is about enhancing their journeys, not altering who they are. Let’s celebrate these spirited kids, as they have so much to offer the world, lighting up our lives with their brilliance.

Essential Insights

• Approach each child in a way that supports their unique abilities.

• Take the time to understand triggers and release activities.

• Be present and share the normality of emotional regulation -share stories of when you were a child or even as an adult - let your child know its ok and completely normal.

• Build healthy habits - exercise, meditation, journaling. Figure out what these look like for them individually.

• Lead by example - regulate your emotions, find out your own triggers and releases and work in collaboration with your children.