Navigating the High School Transition: A Guide for Families with Pre-Teens

The countdown to high school has officially begun, and for many pre-teens, it’s an exciting yet terrifying milestone. They’re preparing for a world of opportunity, exploration, and identity – all while their bodies and brains are, well, experiencing exponential growth. Meanwhile, as parents, we’re busy trying to hold it together (and not binge-eat the snacks we swore we wouldn’t touch) because let’s face it – they might be growing up, but we’re just trying to keep up.

As they dive headfirst into this thrilling new chapter of life, let’s talk about some key topics that are bound to pop up, whether you’re ready for them or not: phone use, peer pressure, changing bodies, and increased independence.

1. Phone Use: The Modern "Pacifier"

Let’s face it: a phone is no longer a luxury; it’s a necessity, especially for high schoolers. Whether your child’s phone is a birthday gift or the “but everyone else at school has one!” special request, you’ll likely find it somewhere between the lunchbox and their stash of secret snacks (which, they absolutely ate but swear they didn’t).

But here's the thing: handing over that phone isn’t just about making them part of the social club; it’s a chance to teach responsibility. Before you throw them a smartphone and say, “Good luck, kiddo!”, take a moment to set some clear boundaries and guidelines.

Pro Tip: Trust is key. You can’t be the parent who says, “Here’s your phone, but I’ll track your every move,” (yes, there are apps that do that) and then expect them to feel trusted. Trust is like Wi-Fi—without it, everything’s a mess. Set boundaries together, and be sure to include consequences for breaking them. Yes, that’s right, consequences—because life isn’t all sunshine and TikTok. And remember, follow through. “I said no phone for a week,” means no phone for a week, or you'll end up as the parent whose threats are as empty as their child’s promise to “eat more vegetables this week.” My personal advice is to also flat out ban social media, let them have a Strava account instead, help them set physical goals and stay active. Take this time to support your child to develop skills like; self-control, critical thinking and self-confidence before you release them into the world of TikTok trends and filters.

2. Peer Pressure: It's Not All About the "Bad" Influence

Peer pressure doesn’t always come in the form of “Hey, let’s skip class and steal a car!” Sometimes it’s much subtler. You know, like the kid who insists on trying out every new trend that definitely doesn’t look cool on anyone else.

Your child will face both good and bad peer pressure. It’s inevitable. So how do you help them navigate this web of social influence? Start by keeping the lines of communication wide open. I like to take a stroll around the block together (Great way to get the steps in too), and let the conversation flow. When kids see you’re genuinely interested in their life, they’ll be more likely to come to you when they’re feeling pressured or unsure. If things are a little quiet on your walk, start by sharing parts of your day; I like to start with the positive of my day, then ill talk about a negative and end on how I solved the problem or how I kept me cool in a hard situation.

Encouragement Alert: Don’t just tell them they’re “awesome.” Praise them for the things they do, not just who they are. “Your teamwork on that project was next level” sounds a lot better than “You’re so beautiful.” Plus, it boosts their self-esteem in a way that doesn’t involve a Snapchat filter.

And hey, creating a set of family rules could be your secret weapon. It has been a life saver in our household, its framed and sits in an area we can all reflect on them when needed. Work together as a family to outline the behaviours and values that will guide everyone. It’s a simple task, all your need is paper, some markers and an afternoon together.

Our family rules are;

·       Family first

·       Never give up

·       Lying will get you in more trouble than telling the truth

·       Say sorry and start fresh

·       Treat others how you would like to be treated

·       Your attitude is more important than your grades

·       Try new things

·       Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you

·       Whining gets your nowhere

·       Keep your promises

·       Home is always your safe place

·       We do not keep secrets from each other

·       Be proud of yourself and each other

·       Always support your family

These rules are our guiding principles, we often refer and reflect on them during challenging times and during times where we are sharing things that we proud of. Our children use these to guide their interactions with each other and their peers. They have supported our parenting and helped us through difficult conversations, they also help our children to hold themselves accountable.

Our family rules - dust and all.

3. Changing Bodies: The Hormonal Rollercoaster

Ah, hormones—the secret ingredient to a teenagers mood swings. The best way to describe it? A science experiment gone slightly awry. Bodies are changing, emotions are all over the place, and your teen’s brain development could be best compared to a construction site with lots of “Under Construction” signs.

Here’s a bit of data to make sense of it: Pre-teens and teens are still working on their cognitive functions, particularly those responsible for emotional regulation and decision-making. So, when they make a decision that makes you say, “What on earth were you thinking?”, it might just be their brain construction workers taking an early lunch break.

Help them by being patient, understanding that their emotional reactions might not always match the situation. If they get upset over a spilled drink, don’t be surprised. You know, because we all remember how deeply dramatic it was when we were 13.

Create open communication lines; allow your children to talk to you about their changing bodies, there are great books and resources to support children to understand puberty, but ultimately, the best advice comes from lived experience, and that experience comes from you!

4. Increased Independence: Welcome to the Mini-Boot Camp

High school comes with more freedom and, oh yes, more responsibility. This can be thrilling or terrifying (mostly terrifying if you’re the one watching them fumble through life like a toddler taking their first steps).

As they take on more responsibilities—scheduling, homework, keeping track of assignments—help them develop organisational skills. It’s like boot camp, but without the drill sergeant yelling in their face. Time management is a skill they’ll need to survive, but they’ll also need space to practice it.

Tip for Parents: Set up a system together. Color-coded planners? Sure. Digital reminders? Absolutely. Then let them learn how to use these tools without hovering over them. Think of it as tough love for the parent—because letting them take control is how they’ll build confidence.

Most importantly, encourage open communication. Let them know it’s okay to ask for help when needed. You don’t need to be a mind reader, but being a good listener goes a long way.

High School is a Jungle – and You’re the Guide

As your pre-teen embarks on this wild high school adventure, you’ll want to be their guide, not their helicopter parent (trust me, no one likes a hovering parent, not even in an emergency). Give them the tools they need to thrive, but let them stumble and learn along the way.

And remember, when they hit the high school hallways with their friends, phones, and newly-formed opinions, it’s your love, patience, and guidance that will help them build the foundations for a successful transition. After all, we survived high school, and so will they (probably with a few more dramatic sighs and eye rolls, but they’ll survive).

Just keep in mind, they may not thank you now, but in 10 years, when they’re finally cleaning their own laundry, you’ll know you’ve done your job right.

Click the link below for a free printable journal to support you on your journey of guiding your pre-teen through the next chapter. These prompts are designed to help pre-teens explore their thoughts and emotions while building confidence and self-awareness in a private and supportive way.

My Journal.pdf

Download PDF • 809KB