When Patience Runs Out: A Survival Guide for Parents (and Their Partners)

Parenting is a wild ride. One minute, you’re lovingly tucking your child into bed, whispering how much you adore them. The next, you’re contemplating why you ever thought having kids was a good idea as they scream about their toast being cut the wrong way.

We all have those moments. The ones where you feel your patience slipping away like sand through your fingers. The deep breathing stops working. Your jaw clenches. Your voice gets that edge. You’re on the verge of snapping, and if one more person calls out “Muuuuuum” or “Daaaaaad,” you might just walk straight out the door and into a new life.

For the Parent on Their Last Straw: How to Avoid a Full Emotional Meltdown

Look, losing patience doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human. But when you’re teetering on the edge of losing your cool, it helps to have a game plan. Here’s how to reel yourself back in before you go from ‘mildly irritated’ to ‘raging dragon.’

1. Tag Out (If You Can)

If you have a co-parent around, this is the moment for the sacred handover. No need for an explanation—just a simple, “I need a minute,” and you retreat like a wise old hermit. Bathroom? Bedroom? Backyard? Wherever you can get a moment of peace, take it.

If you don’t have backup, a two-minute breather is still an option. Put the kids somewhere safe, step outside, and breathe. No child has ever died from waiting 120 seconds for their third round of snacks.

2. Shake It Off (Literally)

Your body holds onto stress like a toddler clinging to your leg in a public bathroom. Get rid of it. Shake out your hands. Stretch. Roll your shoulders. If you’re feeling bold, do an angry little dance—like an exasperated penguin. Your kids might even stop mid-tantrum just to stare at you, giving you the perfect distraction.

3. Say What You Need (Out Loud)

You know what feels worse than being at the end of your rope? Pretending you’re fine when you’re absolutely not. Say it:

• “I am feeling overwhelmed right now.”

• “I need a break before I say something I’ll regret.”

• “This day has been A LOT, and I need a moment to reset.”

Even if no one is around to hear it, saying it out loud validates your feelings. Because yes, parenting is amazing, but sometimes, it is also so much.

4. Have a “Break in Case of Emergency” Plan

What helps you reset when you're on the brink? Is it a sip of tea? Is it blasting music through your headphones for a minute? Is it walking outside and screaming into the abyss? Go for a run! Whatever it is, pre-plan it. That way, when patience is wearing thin, you already have a go-to strategy instead of just white-knuckling your way through.

Why It Matters: The Behaviour We Model Is the Behaviour They Learn

Here’s the thing—our kids don’t just hear what we say, they watch what we do. If they see us lose it, storm off, or yell without resolution, we’re unintentionally teaching them that this is how we handle frustration.

Emotional regulation is a learned skill. And we are the primary teachers.

Kids are wired to experience big feelings, and it’s our job to show them what to do with those feelings. That doesn’t mean we have to be perfect robots who never get upset. (Ha! As if.) It means we need to show them that emotions are normal—and so is making mistakes.

Why Apologising is a Superpower

Ever had a moment where you snapped, and immediately afterward, you felt awful? Here’s where the magic happens—apologising to our kids isn’t just about repairing the relationship. It’s about modeling accountability.

Saying, “I’m sorry I lost my patience. That wasn’t okay, and I’m working on handling my frustration better,” does a few incredible things:

✅ It teaches kids that everyone makes mistakes, even adults.

✅ It shows that we value relationships and taking responsibility.

✅ It gives them permission to admit when they’ve done something wrong, too.

Children who grow up hearing sincere apologies are far more likely to take accountability for their own actions later in life. And wouldn’t that be nice when they’re teenagers?

For the Other Parent: How to Support Both Your Partner and Child

If your partner is in full I AM LOSING MY MIND mode, here’s what not to do:

• Do not say, “Calm down.” (Unless you want to meet your doom.) I am still working on this one :)

• Do not remind them that “They’re just kids.” (They know.)

• Do not attempt logic. This is not the moment for parenting advice, discipline techniques, or a TED Talk on childhood behavior. (Also still working on my timing here...)

1. Step In, Step Up

If you can, take over. No words needed—just step in and start handling the situation. If your partner is about to snap because the kids won’t put their shoes on, you go deal with the shoes. If they’re breaking down over bedtime, you handle the bedtime stalling tactics.

PRO TIP: Have these discussions with your partner first - It may even help to have a safe word like Pineapple - when one of you say this word, it's a signal that you're going to step in and support as you are recognising, they are losing some patience & possibly hair!

2. Support Your Child Through the Experience

Losing patience is hard on kids, too. They don’t fully understand why their calm, loving parent just turned into a volcano. Here’s where you step in—not just to help your partner, but to guide your child through what’s happening.

• Acknowledge their feelings: “I can see that was scary for you. It’s okay to feel sad when someone yells.”

• Encourage expression: “It’s okay to tell Mum/Dad how that made you feel.”

• Help them find their voice: “If you want, you can say, ‘Mum, when you got angry, it made me feel sad.’”

This is powerful. It teaches kids that even in hard moments, they can communicate. They don’t have to bottle up emotions, and they don’t have to fear tough conversations.

3. Later, Encourage Repair

Once everyone is calm, help bridge the conversation between parent and child.

• “Mum was feeling really overwhelmed, and she’s working on handling those big feelings. Maybe you could tell her how you felt too?”

• “Dad lost his patience earlier, but he’s feeling better now. Do you want to talk to him about it?”

Teaching children that emotions are valid but how we manage them matters is an incredible gift. It empowers them to handle conflict, advocate for themselves, and trust that they will be heard—even when things get tough.

Final Thought: You’re Not a Bad Parent—You’re Just a Stretched-Thin One

Patience isn’t infinite, and sometimes, it will run out. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. That means you’re parenting. If you need to walk away for a minute, walk away. If you need to ugly cry in the bathroom, do it. If you need to blast angry 2000s rock ballads in the car, so be it.

But when it’s all said and done, come back. Own the moment. Apologise if you need to. Teach your kids that it’s okay to have big feelings—but it’s also our job to learn how to manage them.

Because at the end of the day, they’re watching us. And what we model today is what they carry into tomorrow.

And if today was rough? Tomorrow is a brand-new chance to try again.